


happy

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Don't Like Don't Read, Gore, Intrusive Thoughts, MAJOR TW, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Other, PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES, this is a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27549850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Blood trickles down from Renjun’s neck to his arm, and some of it gets on Donghyuck. The smaller’s body is still limp, and by this rate, Donghyuck doesn’t think he’s even breathing anymore. The TV is still on, a random show playing, loud in Donghyuck’s ears. Donghyuck mildly panics, thoughts like “oh fuck oh fuck what the fuck did I just do” running through his head, and he feels his chest starting to tighten as he steps back a few more times. He shakes his head with vigor.It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay if Donghyuck closes his eyes and doesn’t think about it.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Kudos: 17
Collections: Anonymous





	happy

**Author's Note:**

> im coping

There’s been a thought bothering Donghyuck all day, one that tells him to do ungodly things, things that are sinful, all to his beloved boyfriend Renjun.

  
  


It tells him to kill Renjun.

  
  


At first, Donghyuck pays it no mind. He tries to avoid Renjun, knowing that being around the boy would only make everything worse. But the thought lingers in his head as the hours go by, and Renjun refuses to leave his side, making the thought grow intensely in his head.

  
  


They’re sitting on the couch, watching some random show that Renjun really likes on TV. Donghyuck fiddles with his fingers, hoping that Renjun won’t catch on to what’s going on with him. Not that Renjun even knows about Donghyuck’s thoughts, anyways.

  
  


It feels tight in the room, and in his chest, the ability to breathe is absolutely gone. Donghyuck can’t breathe properly, and he has to excuse himself to the bathroom to calm down. Renjun waves him off, not even looking at him as the latter walks into the bathroom.

  
  


He slams the door shut. None of this feels right – None of it is right at all, it’s disgusting and inhumane and terrible and yet, Donghyuck doesn’t feel like he cares anymore. He washes his face, cold water and everything, and he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks great, amazing, nobody could tell whether he was thinking of murdering his own boyfriend or not.

  
  


He sighs. Surely, at least one stab wouldn’t hurt, right? Maybe then the thoughts will go away. Maybe then he’ll be okay.

  
  


Donghyuck shakes his head vigorously, and walks out of the bathroom. He stares at Renjun for a moment before walking into the kitchen just to grab a clean, sharp knife.

  
  


It’s a rather big one, the one that Renjun always uses when he cuts onions or tomatoes, and Donghyuck quickly thinks over his decision. It’s just one stab, surely Renjun won’t mind. Renjun never minded, never paid attention anyways, he wouldn’t even feel the cool blade against his skin. He exhales slowly and walks out.

  
  


Even though he’s directly faced towards Renjun, the latter doesn’t bring his eyes to look at him, at first. When he does, he smiles a bit before looking down at the blade in Donghyuck’s hand.

  
  


“Honey–! Donghyuck? Why are you holding that?” Renjun’s smile drops, and he eyes Donghyuck with wide, curious eyes. Donghyuck just shrugs and walks slowly towards him.

  
  


“This’ll be quick, Renjun,” Donghyuck says. Renjun’s eyes widen. “What are you talking about, Hyuck…?” Donghyuck shakes his head. “It won’t hurt. I promise.”

  
  


Those are the last words he gives Renjun before jumping over to him and pressing the cool blade against his arm.

  
  


“Shit– Donghyuck! What the fuck are you doing– Mh!” Renjun screams, voice muffled against Donghyuck’s palm. Donghyuck digs the knife into Renjun’s inner arm, slicing the skin open as Renjun lets out a strangled sob. There’s tears pouring down on Donghyuck’s hand, and he finds that he doesn’t mind it at all.

  
  


He pulls the knife out, and takes a quick look at Renjun before thinking his actions over.

  
  


It felt oddly nice and comforting, to slice Renjun’s skin open. He feels slightly better, but it only makes him want more. No – he  _ needs _ more.

  
  


He gives a wide grin to Renjun. “One more. It’s okay, Renjun.” And with that, Donghyuck stabs the older in the neck.

  
  


Renjun sobs, kicking at Donghyuck’s chest with his feet. Donghyuck pays him no mind, instead digging the blade deeper and deeper. “Don’t make this hard for me, Junnie,” He cooes, almost mocking Renjun. “It’ll only hurt more if you do.”

  
  


Yet Renjun doesn’t listen. And neither does Donghyuck. All he does is keep the blade there for what seems like ages before Renjun gasps and closes his eyes, body going limp in Donghyuck’s arms. His breathing is slow, almost nonexistent, and Donghyuck’s eyes widen before he abruptly takes out the blade and lets go of Renjun’s mouth.

  
  


The older opens his eyes and looks at him before closing them again, unshed tears stuck in his eyes, and Donghyuck doesn’t bother to say anything else.

  
  


One more. He needs it. He deserves it, goddamnit, he’s had to deal with so much bullshit for so long, he deserves this.

  
  


So he stabs. He stabs and he stabs and he stabs. He stabs Renjun’s wrist, his collarbones, his chest, his thigh, his stomach, blood gushing out from every aspect of his body. Renjun doesn’t complain, doesn’t speak, and all it does is make Donghyuck want to stab him even more.

  
  


He’s beautiful, the red tinting his body in a colorful way. Donghyuck smiles a bit, admiring his gorgeous piece of art as he continues to stab and dig the blade into Renjun’s skin.

  
  


He sighs in content and blinks, taking a step back to take a better look at Renjun.

  
  


Blood trickles down from Renjun’s neck to his arm, and some of it gets on Donghyuck. The smaller’s body is still limp, and by this rate, Donghyuck doesn’t think he’s even breathing anymore. The TV is still on, a random show playing, loud in Donghyuck’s ears. Donghyuck mildly panics, thoughts like “oh fuck oh fuck what the fuck did I just do” running through his head, and he feels his chest starting to tighten as he steps back a few more times. He shakes his head with vigor.

  
  


It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay if Donghyuck closes his eyes and doesn’t think about it.

  
  


He stands and stares at Renjun. The latter’s arms are spread out on the arm rest, head tilted to the side, legs limp and in weird positions on the floor.

  
  


No matter how long he stares at Renjun, Donghyuck can’t find it in himself to even feel bad. Instead, he feels relaxed, better now that he’s unleashed the thoughts. The more he stares, the more he feels content with what he’s done. And he smiles. And he laughs a bit.

  
  


He shakes his head again, and he laughs for what seems like forever until he slips on the pool of Renjun’s blood on the floor and falls. He quickly stands up again, and he digs his hands into the pockets of his blood stained hoodie.

  
  


He stares a bit more before the realization of what he’s just done sets in his brain, and he gasps. Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t feel bad, but he doesn’t feel better anymore, either. He needs more. He deserves more.

  
  


So, he grabs his keys and walks out, carrying the large bloody knife in his hand and gets into his car, the door slamming shut loudly.

  
  


It’s all going to be okay. He’s going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> i hate intrusive thoughts so much i keep getting them and this is the only way i can cope with them. this isn't romanticizing anything, there's literally no romance in here at all. if i represented mental health in an inaccurate way please tell me, i appreciate criticism.


End file.
